A Nomad's soul

Why am I busy?

2012-01-17T00:35:00.000-08:00

We all are busy in lives, our routines, special occasions, targets, meetings, all of it. I'm generally never busy, as in I have loads to do but it never happens that I wouldn't have time for my people, for my favorite person. I'm never busy for them. But sometimes it so happens that there is sudden rush of things and I'm for a toss. You will find me running around like a maniac getting everything perfectly done within the timeline. That's just me. At such times people think I'm ignoring them and even acting smart sometimes. At such times most of them give up on me and move on in life. Then when I call them to ask they generally say I was busy and ignored them.

It's not like that friends, in my mind 24x7 all names and your pics keep ticking, there wouldn't be a minute when I haven't thought of you, as much you want I crave to be with you. Ofcourse I will return after my task is done but before that if I don't call don't think I'm not there for you. I am right here and only for you. Just pick that phone and say "I want you right here", I assure I will make all ends meet and I will be there. Right there when you say come.

The most unfortunate part is some where we are all stuck in our ego issues or our assumptions. Why have assumptions, just call and talk, just say I want to meet, but as we grow so does the number of reasons of not doing things, this just creates a block. At the most someone will say NO what more. I'm absolutely shameless in such cases. Whether anyone likes me or not I will keep following, maybe people don't want me but I don't leave their back till the time they don't say, in this process most of the times I get brutally hurt but so what, they are my people and I know some day when I will be gone far away, they are going to miss me.

I saw a missed call

2012-01-07T05:31:00.001-08:00

Life gives us one chance to do that we always want to. It can be anything, from a struggle to make your career or to fight with the world to be with the person you want to be. Making every bit of effort to make your dream happen at that time is most essential. If you loose on to that time, that chance, you are not always going to be lucky to get a second one. Not everyone gets that kind of shot.
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I lost one some 14years back, I hoped a lot but I never had the faith, if I had the faith I always said if it happens again in my life, it will be too late. Have I had never left it, have I had never walked away, I would have been in a very different situation. Now nothing can be undone, it's been 14 long years. After a long time my faith worked and it's in front of me but I cannot do anythign about it. Have I would have been at it, may be things would have been different. The saddest part is I didn't do it and even if I regret it all my life, it's not going to change anything, it's not going to change my life. Now I have to live with what I have in my hands and make the best of it.

We all do it, we all do the best of the situation we are in. The point is to do the best of the opportunity that we get. At that point in life may be your decision will hurt a lot of people, it will do a lot of harm, you will loose a lot of things, but at the end, the struggle is worth every inch and bit you have had. Life is here, right now. Make the most of it, you never know who, when, where would walk out of life and what situation you fall in to. Hope needs to be backed with faith and your Karma. Your Karma can change your world, for good or bad doesn't matter. You are doing it and it will work for you. A few things need to be done when it's been called for, later how much ever you want to, you wish to, nothing at all works.

So if you have anything you have left undone, get up and do it right now!!!!

Life is calling, hear it. A missed call from Life cannot be reverted!!!!!!

Right now I'm very sad, very unhappy for this moment, I know Iwill get up and do my things and may be in next ten minutes I will forget this feeling but it resurfaces. If you are reading this, don't let anything make you feel regret.

Soch jab gehri ho jaati hai, iraade aksar kamzor pad jaate hai.

2012-01-03T10:47:00.000-08:00

Soch jab gehri ho jaati hai, iraade aksar kamzor pad jaate hai.

We think so much about the world around us that we forget ourselves, we forget what we wanted. As much this city gives, it takes away from you. Society, friends, relatives, other relations, guilt, God, customs, all of them are such a clutter. Being in harmony with all of it and being scared are two different things. We make our choices as they suit the nature around, the environment around. The ones who make their own and take up responsibility of it are called INSANE.

I don't know whether it's wrong or right. I don't know how things should be. All I know is we have one life to live, we have some 50years and how much will you kill your dreams, desires only to be at times nice to your parents, some times husband, sometimes kids, a lot of times friends.

I make my decisions. There was a time when I had become complaisant and it worked fab for everyone but deep down I was just not myself. It was ok. Not that it would bother me much but it was not me types. Somewhere the mind was in deep unrest, restless nights. Making choices was easy, all I needed was to stand up for myself. It was a very unusual phase, I kept looking for something but every time I failed at it. The search was getting tiring and endless. I had started thinking I would end up a wanderer, a loner. But the kind of loner I always want to be, it wasn't like that. I prayed, I thought night after night. Looking at the kind of life I live no one would believe this can happen to me. It wasn't about any one, it was and is about me.

From being a person who always stood up for making my own choices and living by them, to be dependent and scared of loneliness was never a pleasant journey but somewhere it gets essential to break the bubble and gather yourself. Can't say I have been successful at it but the process has started. Don't know how far I will be able to hold up myself, somewhere I'm not even sure. A lot of doubts, surely one thing, have started pushing the limits.

I might not know what I want, but I certainly know that I don't want to be a part of the circus where I'm driven by any ring master. Soch kar iraade kamzor nahi padne dena hai.

All I need is not to loose myself again.

Need the blessings

2011-11-28T11:13:00.000-08:00

Life comes in different phases. We experience a lot of changes here and there all the time. Specially with me when I always think I'm settled and this is how my life will be come, comes a change. Consistency is the word hammering from past two weeks. Apparently the worst part is along with me, everyone around me too passes through the phase, thanks to my super skills of making my close friends a part of my sulking habit. Good or bad I always carry my baggage with me and I believe in doing so. I have hardly some people who have always been with me but I make sure they are always around. I don't know why I do it, may be it's just me.

But sometimes we all go through this disappearing act, where we get atleast 80% disconnected from the world around us. And with me it's very normal. It's like some wind blows and everything is wiped off and I have to start off again. I don't mind doing it, cause somewhere routines bore me and I love to challenge my rested brain and feel utilized. The unfortunate part of all this is apart from 5 people, who are my closest buddies, almost second souls, people think I'm rude, extremely selfish and careless. I don't know how to care for friends and I don't respect relations. Yes, they are right. Simply because it's beyond a stereotype's mindset to understand the passion I have.

I don't claim to be the sole boutique piece made, most of aquarians are like this. Regular normal things don't excite me. It's practically very tiring but juggling things like home, baby, her home work, her school, her classes, my big baby's demands, work makes me feel nice. I like the life I have. Yes in the process of being myself I have a lot times let a lot of people down, but if they know me well, they always land up loving me.

Apparently my choices are very weird. My ideas are very out of the box, so a lot of new friends don't digest it well. As the world I see around, most of the women only talk of wanting to do things and they have some 9,998 reasons not to do it. Most of them are impractical and can be overcome but sadly they don't. Some how I manage not to do it. In that situation I may look like an idiot to them but that's what I am. This is how I am made. From past eight months I made sure I try and be happy in my house wife avatar but by the time I convinced myself, like always there are winds of change already blowing.

Don't know how is everyone going to react but it's an addition to my roller coaster collection and for sure I will enjoy the ride. God bless me with my 5.. opps!! 6.. (stuts that's you)... be intact.

Need blessings!!!

What doesn't kill you, makes you strong

2011-11-16T11:16:00.000-08:00

There are times when it is best to leave situation in hands of others. When some one just comes to you and says everything will be taken care of. The first thought that comes in mind is how much is the risk percentage, what will be amount of hurt caused when we listen and let others take control. Mind starts thinking and making its own calculations, it manipulates to a lot extent. I wouldn't blame it, cause first of all, we have always been in charge of our life, however messed up we make it, most of us always think, if I have done, I can take full responsibility of it, so just keep doing what I think is right. Now looking at it from some one else's point of view you are the most wrong person, not because you are an addict or an insane person, but just that the wrong you are doing is hurting your own self. At times we all at some point in life have been through so much that trusting anyone is impossible, loving with open heart and pure soul just gets difficult.

But in all this, when that one person steps in and wants to take charge of your mad life, let it happen. Let your self free, all you have to do is just step on the stones he/she directs you at. Don't be afraid, fear will mislead you. Remember, when Jesus asked his disciple to walk on water, his fear drowned him. Faith has great powers. We cannot reach God if we don't have faith in people around us. Fear is just feeling.

What doesn't kill you, makes you strong. At the most, worst case would be you will land up getting hurt. It's not like you will die. With that too you will survive, with that too you will learn to be strong and loving. Being strong doesn't mean you cannot love or be vulnerable. It is defined when you are at the losing end but still have faith.

Hope is the only guiding star.

Keep your hopes high and let that one person be the pilot of your ride. At least he won't crash you down. And as they say, "don't forget to be Awesome".

Too Nice!

2011-11-15T10:18:00.000-08:00

Some times two nice people can't make a relation.

A few months back when a friend was going through his divorce, he told me this. He said we both are nice but it's not enough for the relation.

The even worst part comes when the two come to a point where both feel they are misunderstood. The feeling that you are been read wrong can really cause a lot of damage. Specially when the need to be cared is called as self-pity or acts of sympathy. Any relation, any human demand is nothing more than undivided attention. Time has become the expensive asset and calls to spend in the right way, but the fact remains that when a partner is needed, he/she is needed. There are incidences when one is caught in a spot, the best thing to do is to rescue your love, this is my thought. A lot of times, the other thinks it's just not important. So arises the question then what is important. To a lot of people important is when there is utter emergency, when there is absolute crisis. To the other lot important is silliest of the things, like calling and checking, like small things when taken care of without being said.

It also happens that initially one of the two don't realize the meaning of the relation, may be have never been in one. so they tend to do a lot of mistakes. But time comes when they start realizing and acting on it but injuries of past are so harsh the other partner never want to give-up on that. Or at times people just love to cling to past mistakes and never forgive and move on. For them the hurt is so bad, they don't want to risk anything in future. They forget this mistake of brooding over past days would cause a lot more damage than anything else. Just by saying I'm there, it doesn't mean you are done with your job, There are small things which can be done in everyday life and that might help change situation. But who has time for whom to do all this. So the best option open is to give up, break and move on. Much easier than wasting energy in some one.

There are wandering minds who have mamoth emotional demands, and the other find it extremely annoying and irritating to cope up with them. What I spoke about past relates here too, but not everyone is strong enough to deal with it. Specially with people who show they are strong and can deal with the situation, inside they scared and they want all the love, it's the fear of being rejected and hurt that they don't express. It takes a lot to make such people feel comfortable, secured and loved. Too much to deal with right. But that's how it is. Most of the times the world walks over them.

Faith and Passion

2011-11-10T09:12:00.000-08:00

This post is dedicated to a very dear friend.

I know him ever since I was twelve. And we have been great friends all along. We have seen and shared most important occasions of our respective lives.

But that's not what I'm here for. What makes me adore him is his passion. His passion to do things he loves to do. And his latest achievement is the result of his long held passion for his bike. When almost a year back he told me wants to buy an Enfield 500cc, I argued with him for days over the thing how it's useless for him to buy it and he is just waste of money. I don't know why I didn't see any point at that time but I'm happy he did not listen to me. A few days later he told me he got the bike and he got the 500cc one by paying extra so he can get it immediately, which then, I all the more thought a waste of money.

So he got the bike, I never rode, but he never gave up on that. He always tried but I always turned him down. It was among one of the late evenings at this chai nakka he goes to fag, when a guy walked up to him and asked how he got a 500cc as there was a waiting for almost six months. My friend told him he was so desperate he paid up extra and got it. That guy took his email address and left, later my friend discovered this guy was one who decides whom to allow entry in to the bikers group, which is part of Mumbai's bikers association. Here there like minded Enfield lovers, they have these trips, camps and a lot of stuff that they do. It was difficult for me to understand because one has to relate and be passionate about something, and this stuff is one of it's kind.

So he is now a of the group and in next two days he will be doing his first trip with the group. Can you imagine a whole bunch of Enfield riders passing through the city all the way to Mahabaleshwar, helmets, jackets, sleeping bags, bandanas, backpacks, all of it.

It's not the part what he does is exciting me but the fact that he always wanted to something he loved, he followed his heart, he did it with complete faith. He did upset almost everyone but when I see him today, he is not less than a 5year old. All geared up for the trip, the twinkle in the eye says it all.

I tend to give up on things very soon but when I see such people, it makes me happy. It makes me realize that love for anything and faith in anything can move the world around you.

All the best my dear friend.

I just freed my worries

2011-11-08T06:09:00.000-08:00

Out of nowhere I bump into this friend of mine, whom I have not been in touch in past couple of months. It so use to happen either I was busy or she was use to be tied up with work. We had our usual greeting by screaming loudly into each other's face and then after long chat in middle of the mall, blocking way for people, we settled for dinner in our regular restaurant. The dinner ended and she invited me home for some more chitter chatter session. The session went on so long that it was 5am in the morning when we decided to stop our blabbering mouths. Next morning we wake up and our hunger drives us all the way to Panvel McDonalds for breakfast.

Breakfast done and we decided we would just take a small drive upto Lonavala and will be back home by lunch. The drive went to go till some 2pm, and we saw we had reached Amby Valley. By now the stomach again was making calls. So in search of some good food, we drove down from Lonavala to Khandala and crossed Khandala, reached old Mumbai-Pune Highway and land up at this super cool place called Siddhu Punjabi Dhaba. Guys if you have any plans of going to Lonavala and if you are a punjabi food lover, this place serves yummiest food.

After a scrumptious meal we decided we will take a small drive, a bit ahead and back home. The small drive went right through Pune and crosses Pune and we take u-turn post Katraj just before a toll naka. In all this while we also got an attack of going to Goa and coming back on Wednesday but my friend my is extremely sane and sensible to fall for my impulsive excitement. She flatly denied and offered me a dinner in my favorite restaurant instead, though it wasn't a great deal, I still took it up.

So we return from Pune back, had dinner, dropped her at her place, drove back home. When I got home it was 10:30pm... Ooops!!! drove like for more than 12hours nonstop. But there wasn't a bit of tiredness at all. I was so pumped up with this trip, after coming home, I cleared all the mess, made beddings, made preps for today, read a bit and slept peacefully at 11:30. Generally I tend to wake up at least twice in the night, but last night when I woke up it was 5:30am. I slept back, woke up at 7 and straight to gym.

What did we do during the drive.... We only chatted, about everything one can think of and not think of. It was fun, "nirmal anand". What was the topic, were there any discussions. The answer is NO. It was mindless. But the day I had was so good, I'm rejuvenated. Spent time with someone so selfless, there is nothing I owe to her or for that matter we are not the types who call each other even once a month. But there are some friends who know you in & out & they love you for just what you are.

I have a friend who loves me for my insanity, who thinks liking John Abraham is like liking female version of Katrina and I'm dumb to like someone like him for the longest. But she laughs and we laugh about it. I don't remember anything about yesterday, all I know today is I'm happy.

Have you had or have a friend like this. Call right now and live a moment with her/him. See all your worries freeing themselves.

I'M all alone

2011-11-06T01:33:00.000-07:00

I'm screaming inside. D was never wrong, he was always right in his own ways, but maybe I have no power to accept. I don't know what I want. I don't know what's happening. Morning since thrice I have been asked what's wrong and I have avoided the answer. There's something wrong but what I don't have an answer to it.

I'm lost like always, I don't know hat lies ahead for me. For me it's just live for the day. I have no ambitions and life looks completely aimless, there's no motivation. There are such mornings but the feeling has been brooding since long.

Off late after coming to city a lot has changed, everyone is busy, my new life is not going well with me. The fact that I am not the center of anyone's life, everyone to themselves. Every little thing seems to annoy me, even the stupid pigeon that just entered my window and spoilt the rythm of my thoughts. I most the times don't have answer to myself, so I tend to just divert my attention but that's not what I want right now.

My blogs too may look too depressing and unreadable and may be not too funky and entertaining, they also might have same kind of flow but that's what is happening with me.

I would request my reader not to give me any fundamentals on how things can be changed. It might sound rude but all i need right now is "I understand", nothing beyond that.

Been told to accept is far different from being accepted. Sometimes, at some point all of us want to be accepted as we are, good, bad, ugly, worst and that's what I want. If D thinks it's my demand and bending to it is wrong, maybe that's how it is. If it makes him happy thinking so, I'm happy to know that. If my M thinks I'm wrong in my ways, may be I'm but right now not in a mood to correct myself. All I want is to be accepted with all my wrongs.

If I'm not right I will be left alone. So here I'M all alone.

Time for a Circus!!!

2011-11-06T00:21:00.001-07:00

As much the city gives, it takes away a lot more than we can even think. I am born and bought up in Mumbai. Post my marriage I moved to a place on outskirts of the city, we lived there for four long years. Recently we shifted to Mumbai. Life here is totally different for me. Something that I never imagined. The purpose of writing this post is I'm feeling very lost and lonely. Generally people think if you are married with a baby there's a lot to do. They relate personal happiness to number of people around you. If you have a house full of family, friends, it's strange for anyone to understand the reason to be on lower side of life. And when you try to express there is this whole big lecture on postivity and how to beat it kinda stuff. But that's not the point. There are situations when you are lonely even with a full packed house, you look ugly to yourself when everyone says "you look most beautiful today", all this positivity fundas goes for a toss when your heart and mind are not in synch and its in 'sink'.

There are no solution to such situations, in such times you can only wait in a corner, watch the world go by. But when I try to communicate everyone has a strong philosophy of being practical. Its much easier to say "ok fine let's not talk" than to say "i love you, I dont want to let go off you". Everyone is with themselves. I randomly called a friend yesterday and during the conversation he said,"its better to leave everyone to themselves, that's how people are happy". It initially didn't go well with me but as the day went on and I thought about it, I felt may be it's just the way everyone is today. Nobody wants to be disturbed when they say DND, nobody wants to be in the party when they don't want to be. The whole feeling for each other doesn't exist anymore. My old ways of pepping up a friend when he is low is not wanted, my giving advice to a friend is considered as an inteferring habit. Maybe everything has changed here now and maybe I will have to change too. I will have to learn to let people be. I will have to stop myself from taking control when a friend is low. Speak when spoken to. Be funny when people want you to be funny and happy, otherwise zip it up and stay away.

This is not me but change is a process of life.

I'm a very enthusiastic person, my friends it find access unneeded excitement. I have a habit of pushing the door open when a friend wants to lock herself up alone. But it's not accepted anymore. I have done things that are hurtful and I retaliated for not being accepted, but I was wrong. I should just distant myself away from everything The best that I can do is keep my mind and my heart closed and just be there when called for. Someone told me once, every person has a purpose to live, mine is to entertain. Have you seen a clown, one can never make out what's inside his mind cause he wears a happy face mask.

Three seconds memory

2011-11-04T23:55:00.000-07:00

Sick of this "goldfish memory" syndrome I have. It's insane. It annoys me a lot of times. Like now I thought of something to do on internet and by the time I walked out from my bedroom to the laptop, its gone. I have no clue what I came here for. The funniest part happens when I'm angry with someone and start arguing and then I realize that I have forgotten the reason for which I started the whole crap. Great!!!!

I don't understand how it all started. I don't know how far this will stay with me. I 'm not able to remember what happened some two minutes, if someone asks me about two days back, I get completely tossed. A few days back a friend asked "did you had a friend in name of Sunny" and I was bowled over by the question. I couldn't answer it at all and I still don't recollect. Recently I have been meeting these random people who walk up to me and say they know me, and I just pretend to know them by nodding a yes on incidence, I don't want them to go on with the list of my relevance to them and push my memory too hard. Too much of hard work for me. They may not be wrong but I seriously don't remember things anymore.

Now when I don't recollect anyways, I better go back and finish the work I left.

when it starts hurting!!!!!

2011-11-01T00:00:00.001-07:00

I’m angry, I’m hurt, disgusted. Disgusted by the behavior of people around me. May be at some point I’m the instigator, and here lies the answer for my anger but there are times I’m innocent. Not defending myself but just trying to figure out what wrong have I done to someone to behave in uncaring manner with me.

I may not be an easy person to live with cause paying attention to me 24x7 is not an easy task , but yes most of the times I make things easy for the other person. And I can say that cause every time I think from other person’s point of view.

On the utterly most important occasions if I have walked out was because I cared, leaving angry and hurt friends only because someone else was important to me at that time. I didn’t care to look back what I left behind. Everyone at that moment, whom I bunked on for that particular person at that point in life was caring for me, they loved, fortunately they still love me. Don’t know if I have time to make up to them or not but yes they are there. They might still be hurt because I haven’t made up as much to get over the hurt and I do realize that.

One person, it just takes one person to change the whole math of your life. Being a woman you tend get in to these silly emotional gigs, change, wait, patience, love, heartbreak, expectations. All of that nonsense, non-important emotional dramas. After all of that your thoughts and behavior is nicely tagged as tantrums and serious attitude problems. What the f***k???

All these years I kept denying the fact that people can’t be without emotions and love, and love is a big drama, I use to feel they are lying to themselves. They are running away from the fact. Who knew someday I would agree to it too. Who is to blame is not the question, there is a situation like this and I’m made to think and feel like that, that’s important.

As much life gives, it takes away a lot than we can think. Saddened to realize I have succumbed to it.

This is just not me!!!

once more!!!!

2011-10-31T22:48:00.000-07:00

When was the last time you wrote a letter to your sweetheart. when you fought, when was it you kissed and made up. Every time you walked out of the door, you left behind the other to cry alone. When was it you walked back and hugged her.

The world is shrinking, time is flying. We mend things by looking for options. Options that relieve from the burden, once you loved to carry. Now you fake it. Now we wake up to pings and ringtones. You sleep next to me but your mind is on that mobile. When was the last time you snuggled ,me before you woke-up.

I had a habit of writing to you, haven’t done that in ages now. Will do it today.

I wanna relive this moment with you. Give me your hand & lets live it once again, maybe just for a day.

once more!!

2011-05-09T00:35:00.001-07:00

I had a habit of writing to you, haven’t done that in ages now. Will do it today.

I wanna relive this moment with you. Give me your hand & lets live it once again, maybe just for a day.

A Love story in making

2010-11-21T03:35:00.001-08:00

Ok so I'm trying to write a small love story and will keep publishing it in chapters. All I need from you'll is to read it first and then leave a comment. There is no tittle in my mind for it so please help me give one once I publish the first chapter.

Hope you will like it.

Enjoy reading

old cothes old memories

2010-06-04T00:37:00.000-07:00

Do you feel depressewd while discarding your old clothes?

Today Mom took up long pending task of cleaning my Dad’s closet, which would have never happened in next ten years if not that day.

She pulled out a big pile of clothes which he hung on to for more than a decade. As she was sorting out his shirts, in my mind I was walking down the memory lane. There were these small incidences which I could recollect. His most favorite denim shirts, which had almost faded off, his Hawaii stripped shirts, his old style beach shirts. When she started to pack all these I was feeling sad, like a very close person is leaving you forever, though I quickly grabbed myself and held my tears. I never knew I would be attached to these shirts too. I guess that’s just me. But even I’m the same I would keep my clothes with for a very long, infact I still do have some clothes that I use to wear in college. But they are there cause I’m attached to them; they remind me of those memorable days of college. Like this one blue top that my friend Nilesh had gifted me when he got his first salary, though I cant fit in it but still I have it. Clothe that I wore on my Mehndi evening, almost all clothes that Kawal had bought for me before we got married and not that I can tell the time and place and the incident that comes along with it. It’s very recent that I have learnt to be ruthless and discard my clothes. Except for above mentioned. Sentimental value as we call it.

We all have at least one piece of cloth like that. Like my Dad finally pulled out one shirt from the pile only because it has original logo of some Hawaiian brand Hooters on it ( and its his favorite too…shhh..now I was not suppose to mention that). Again it was of his favorite Denim shirt and he looks more handsome in it.

But as old goes out, new comes in. Old clothes old memories, new clothes, new memories.

After reading this, on this weekend open your closet of old memories and walk down the memory lane, it’s been long ago you have done that .

It's a BIG ?

2010-05-31T21:54:00.000-07:00

It's very weird these days. I think I want to write, I think of ev3rything I want to write , I have the entire blog and it's layout in my mind when I think. I do all this when I'm about to sleep and it all sounds great too. Every night I decide I will wake up and blog at least today, I have been ignoring it for too long and now I'm just being lazy. Every morning I decide to shed off this "skin of laziness" but I get so engrossed with Reanna, feeding her new things, watch her spill out all the banana and then sleep off with her.

These days I'm left with no motivation. I'm not doing anything but eat, feed, watch tv, surf a bit and conk off. I think my bones are catching rust . But truly I'm enjoying it all. Yes!!! to the core. Though my back keeps hurting, my knees are paining and body is screaming for exercise, yet.

Till now Reanna was dependent but I have discovered she finds her own ways to entertain herself, she doesn't need me as much.

So now what???

Don't know... figuring out... only if you'll can suggest something???

Just for you my Friend

2010-03-22T10:55:00.000-07:00

She wasn’t like this before. I use to hate her at times for being so disconnected with me. I use to be jealous that her life revolves so much around someone else and not me, me being so called one of her close friends. I use to always get a feeling that I’m only been tagged along and not much cared about but I never told her that or even expressed it cause I never wanted to lose her, she is my Best Friend and all this wasn’t important to break our relation. And somewhere it wasn’t so negative too. I use to wonder is that how she is with everyone or it’s just me. Time passed and we still remained friend. And then came a life changing situation and everything just came to a halt, it was like the entire world around her came down in just a few moments. I saw a very brave, strong girl giving up. She knew this would happen but we never want such situations in life.

She use to be always in a rush, always up for something, her cell always filled with reminders, her life full of parties and Saturday nights with friends . Suddenly after this incident she has changed a lot. Suddenly she tightened her hold on her life. I never remember she ever called other than work or some purpose, now she calls to check. Last Sunday she called almost twice to check if we reached home. It isn’t she never cared but now she expresses it. Dunno if that word is right???

Her behavior has changed; she has become lot more sensitive than she was. This incident has changed her and frankly I do not like it. She’s become too serious, she gets home after work, one day she almost gave an attack saying she wants to shop, it came from a girl who HATE to shop. I understood the reason; it was to get over that ugly and helpless feeling of loneliness.

I just want to say not only me, WE all want to see you normal, I know you are behaving very superficial. Please, please just stop doing this. It’s driving me nuts!!! I want to see the girl I had known always, whom I met 3 years back and in first meeting just loved her super cool super energetic attitude, something that makes us partners. I see it, I sense it every time I think of you, I meet you, I know you miss her but she is gone.

Remember she too HATES you like this.

I want that carefree, happy go lucky girl back.

WE ALL WANT IT.

TRIBUTE

2010-03-09T11:15:00.000-08:00

Though I never wanted to write about this, a thought said I must let everyone know of this amazing woman I had the blessing to know of. She was my very close friend's mother and was ailing with Cancer from 3 years, though through out she gave it a tough fight, her body had started giving up since past 6 months. and on 5th March 2010 early morning she left us.

Atleast once in our lives we must have been bitchy, must have discussed people aka GOSSIP, yelled at someone, lied. There must have been times when we held people responsible, been thankless and everything negative one can think of. But she wasn't so. I never saw or heard of she yelling at her daughters, spoke bad things. I still remember when I met her she was telling me how my friend had to cut down on her abroad trip because of her illness and how proud she is of both daughters. She was a very warm and loving. Always polite and humble. There was something about her which would attract me towards her, a very strong love magnet that kept us all close to her all this time.

I met her during my pregnancy and unlike everyone else who kept telling me rules and regulations of pregnancy, her advice was just watch comedy serials and movies and just keep smiling, baby will be just fine, "just enjoy her", were her words. She was really angelic. Always smiling in worst of her situation.

I feel one really needs to have good karma to have a Mom like that. And I think my friend is blessed. Though she has left us and nothing, absolutely nothing can fill that void but what she has left back is still good enough to survive. And again I feel lucky to know such a wonderful family and have such great friends.

In this world where we all get selfish at some point, we would have drowned long time back. Thanks to people like these God still considers us.

2010-02-18T03:26:00.000-08:00

She is brand new entrant in my life, though I had to wait for almost nine months. Finally it was worth it. I'm truly amazed at the way things are changing rapidly. It took only 45minutes to deliver and then since everything has changed. I think it's a rebirth for me and not to forget Kawal too. Sometimes I think why didn't it happen earlier and why didn't I realize I could react in these ways like I do now. Now before saying or doing anything there's a thought process. From being this irresponsible, happy go lucky, I have become responsible.. to some extent. and again someone has changed me so much.

She is hardly a month old but she drives us nuts. My days are spent feeding her, cleaning her soosoos and pottys. I never took medicines so religious like I do now cause they will benefit her, it just takes anyone to say "do this it will benefit her" and I'm up for it.

She is truly angelic, when she smiles in her sleep or whether it is her respond to me in her own whatever language when I talk to her, everything, I feel like recording it. I want to keep it with me. I want to have all these moments with me. I keep staring at her all the time. my mom says its not good, "nazar lagti hai". But I can't help. These moments I want capture them, her every move, cause I know I will never get to experience them. Right now she is deep asleep next to me with her mouth open, signature style and again I find myself staring at her.

Sometimes I irritate her too. But I love those dirty looks she gives me like she screaming inside,"dont harass me" and I keep saying in her ears its your mom darling, so she knows who is doing it.

Her glass like eyes, tiny hands, little feet, her pout, chubby cheeks, her pink dress with matching pink hood, everything about her is sweet. its special for me, for US.

It's my blogger friend Nikhil's post!!!

2010-02-18T03:21:00.000-08:00

This my friend and bro Nikhil's post. I loved it and thought of sharing it with you all...very romantic!!!

Waking up with a smile which seemed to be bit more than what it usually would be,seemed great.The sheer feeling of togetherness,something which eluded me for a long time seems to be back.Things haven't reached anywhere close to a conclusion,but it still feels strangely good thinking of you.Everything in you,I love. The thought of waking up every day,with you around would be bliss amongst the many others.And I lose myself at this thought,drenched in you..

Yet only time will tell what lies ahead,between you and me.....

I have made up my mind.Its has been a long enough phase.Not a moment goes,without your thoughts.I will probably give you a heart ache if I confess.And that is the only thing stopping me right now.But then,this will have to happen,some day!! And so would it,though maybe not too soon.

I don't know why I write this..??Maybe you need to read myself, my mind and my actions by now.I have been waiting,ever so much...And I can,a lifetime more,if you promise to be mine.....

Dripping in your love....

Needs and Options

2009-12-05T10:25:00.000-08:00

Needs and Options…

She:”It’s nothing more than a matter of needs and option. You needed me then, now you don’t. You didn’t have options then, now you do.”

He: “Don’t talk rubbish, don’t mess with my mood.”

She:“Ok chill.”

She: “I don’t understand your problem, if you think I have done something wrong or hurt you, just talk about it, its ME...we know each other in and out. There’s no point in arguing like this”.

No reply

She: “I really try hard to keep up with this relation, I was always there and I was always the same it’s you who have changed so much. I don’t know how to handle things, I try to give my best but you always seem to be upset or lost. Things can be much simpler if you talk. According to me, I have done all it needs to take this relation ahead. But I need my answers now. I want you to talk, say what you think. I need to know the reason why have you changed so much, I want to know what you think about us, about me. This is really very important for me.”

2 days later

He:”It’s not necessary to say everything”.

She: “It gets necessary sometimes, especially if you care enough for the person.”

8 hours later

She: “I tried, I tried really hard to sort things out but you’re being unresponsive to anything that I say, I do. I don’t know what will happen next and what will be the consequences but I can only say I really love you and losing you is the last thing I ever want. Why? I don’t have reason to give you, I only know it’s not easy without you. I’m definite about one thing this is not any ego war. I only want to say you mean a lot to me and if you have a bit doubt about it don’t even revert after this. I will be waiting for my answers, the day you think you can answer me, and you think we can talk and sort it out, text me or call me. I will be waiting.”

It’s almost been a week; she is still waiting for his reply. She keeps checking her phone every two hours so she doesn’t miss on his call or text. Life has changed a lot. Earlier every two hours it would be an update message or call to keep in touch, now it’s nothing but just work. It’s turned very robotic. The lonely silence screams in empty house. Going back home after work is dreadful thought so she works late in office. Sometimes she even spends nights in her cabin and greets the office boy with a cup of coffee. She was never like this. Life was full of love, dreams, ambitions, hopes and desires. It’s now nothing but like a waiting room of any railway station. A long stay in Maybe land this time may be.

All the time she has been thinking what was it?? Why did they meet, when they met things were so different and now why has things changed. Why is that she has to wait for his calls for days together, why does he call her only when he needs her, why does she has to look for reasons to meet him or even call. Why are there these long silences between them? What has changed??

Sometimes it looks like it was just matter of Need and Option. Its only she refuses to believe it because she still has faith in her love, she has faith in him.

H A P P Y!!!!!!

2009-10-27T07:54:00.000-07:00

Yippeeee!!!!Im so happy I'm back to my blog...how I love my Blogoville.

Aditi have you changed your blog address too, where are you??

Niks what a breather reading all those blogs..its always fun...thanks for all those lessons on netology...Your sis needs a lot more training, be prepared!!!:)

Guys I missed you!!!

"It was nice to know you"

2009-09-24T11:59:00.000-07:00

When they met it was like house on fire, an instant hit. Like two inseparable souls, lost in each other still happy to be in their own world, their own Wonderland. Malls, parks, coffee house, movies, lunch, dinners everything they did together. Each passing day felt like a dream, felt like living a dream. Like life never lived before. breathing in memory of every moment she spent with him.

Time flew, days passed, she felt she had to confess and she did. Everything she felt from the deepest part of her heart she expressed. Though she confessed with a fear of being rejected, with a fear he might just go away. But her love gave her the strength, "so what I love him and I'm honest", she thought. So with all her strength she told him, every little feeling, smallest desire, the tiniest dream and dared to ask "do you love me?", He smiled and said "YES". YES, the world was at her feet. She had everything she could ask for.

Next day she wrote a letter to him, the letter had flowers and some words to express her happiness, now she was waiting for a reply. She got her reply, the letter came back. It was same letter, same flowers. Clueless she made her way to him.

The house was empty. She searched him everywhere she could think of, all the places they went, all places he might be. He was nowhere. She thought she might wait for him near his house. She made her way back, she found a corner to wait for him.

There was a note on the door, it said

"Today everything changed. I cant see you anymore.

She is back. It was nice to know you".

2009-09-15T23:29:00.000-07:00

We are a family of four and my father has a job which needs him to away for 6 months from home. We are bought up with and by now our systems are automated to his routine. He travels for 6 months and comes for vacation of 2 months. Its been more than 20 years we see the airport twice in a year. Every time he leaves the next we all begin the countdown, countdown as to when will he come back, what will be his approx date of return. After a month or so he gets his return ticket done and his date is declared and there begins another anxiety of counting the months, which gradually lower down to weeks and days and finally that one evening when we all hop-into our car and happily go to airport to pick him, home coming is always a pleasant feeling. Excitement of seeing him makes us forget all that we missed doing with him.

Dad left last night, we all went to see him off, though we know this time will just fly and soon he will be back amongst us, one thing has not yet changed...I miss him. I am use to being without him and doing own thing and all but somewhere that want to be with him for some more time never ends. I want, infact we all want a bit more of him. Cant write anything more!!thts it

Undefined bonds

2009-09-11T07:23:00.000-07:00

My friend's mom lost her close friend very recently. When I met the close friend's family for the first time it was in a hospital for some unfortunate reason, when I saw them my first take was they are my friend's relatives, with course of time I realized the relation. It happened so cause they were so close and with each other like they all share a life together. Years and years of love and care made them look like they are one family, some bonds are just undefined. It really doesnt need to have a blood relation to understand and love a person. It only takes some affection, a little understanding, a small amount of strength to accept the person the she/he is and respect. These two women spent almost 4 decades together; from marriage to seeing their kids grow up and make their own lives to losing their life partner, they took each other through everything.

I dont how is Aunty going to make up for this loss. We all might be there but I always believe that its only the one who looses can feel the pain and how much we say time heals and people help, its only the one who suffers knows it and no one can ever share it.

This incident has made me realize that someday we might also loose each in the similar way. Each of us someday will be left alone somewhere and then its only the time spent is all that will be left back. We all have relations which have much thicker bond than a brother or a sister. Its these people who make life worth living and even after you have left you still you will be alive in their hearts.

Dunno what to name this?

2009-08-12T06:15:00.000-07:00

What is the most painful experience??

If you ask me, when I part from someone. Like it or not you have to go through it, you feel the pain, you want to scream, shout but you cant and even if you can you know nothing would change the situation.

Its strange how we meet people in our live, how HE manages to place every child in the correct place and family. Why am I not Prakash Padukone's daughter or for that matter Aishwarya Rai, strange na, kaise pata chalta kis bacche ke liye kya sahi hai aur kya galat??? We grow up, gradually a lot of other people get added to our lives. We live with them, it kind of becomes a routine, a habit. We dont even on certain days remember they are there.

And then suddenly comes a day when its time to say Good Bye. Wind-up your stuff, pack and leave. What all will you pack and take along, a lot of it is always left back. What would you do with time that you left back. Things you said. I wish when we are ready to leave we could take back all the past along, all memories, those moments and leave back nothing to feel sad about. Atleast the one left back will be at peace.

The person who leaves moves on in life and the other is left with this still wondering feeling, still stuck trying hard to release from the memories, or sometimes just waiting for him to come back. Otherwise we just engage ourselves in work and friends and family and try to run away from memories knowing it will never help.

How much ever we try the pain of parting still remians in both of them. Years pass, time flies, we grow up but still a small memory of a song or an incidence crosses the mind and brings back everything she tried to forget. Its the empty place the person leaves back.

I recently lost my grandpa and it amazes me when I remember how we spent all this time, all the Navratri celebrations we had, I always adored him for the kind of discipline he followed during those days, his knowledge about the religion and festival and he fondly spoke about it. He was a great guy, a fighter, he had this strong will power which always gave him strenght to fight every situation in life.

It might sound filmy to you all but he started his life here in Bombay with a younger brother, 3 sisters and an ailing mother to look after. From being thrown out of family over money issues to making his own life here, he saw everything in life. He was my guide, my strength.

Ajoba we use to call him. Its really tough to believe you are not around.

My post is for Him, I know he is watching me over....I love you.

Hey guys where are you???

2009-08-12T06:02:00.000-07:00

All my bloggies where are you'll...Aditi WHERE are you????

OK can see some stuff from Nikhil and Trinaa but thats all.

And please ARV send me access to your blog I can get through, please add me to your list.

Aneeket whats happening you seem to have lost no new posts???

Or is it I have been living on mars....I miss reading your stuff guys!!!

For Aditi

2009-07-28T03:42:00.000-07:00

This was for my friend Aditi's celebration of her 50th blog, unfortunately I couldnt make it on time, here it Aditi, jsut for you darling:)

We fight, we argue, we discuss, we disagree

We scream, we shout, we cry, we are happy, we are sad.

We share everything our joys, our pain, things that mean the world to us, things that are most unimportant.

There's nothing I cant do, eat sleep drink gossip bitch do EVERYTHNG.

Be nasty, be naughty, be mean, be stupid. Discuss men, drooool over them, have fun.

There are no rules & regulations, there are no terms & conditions. The only virtue that bonds is HONESTY. Honesty to say "hey you looking terrible in that dress" when you actually think you are best dressed. Its the most comforting and comfortable relation. You can be your silly self and still loved, cared and adored for. Its about listening to nonsense talk during high fevers.

You can drive them up the wall, confuse and get confused still you get an answer " I understand you".

They will find Bigg Boss equally fascinating enough to gossip over coffee. Anything interests them food, shopping, FRIENDS, hollywood, Hrithik's new look. Relevant or not is not important. What matters is you are just yourself.

Drives in rain, plans for international vacation, laughing over silliest joke, taking that wrong turn when time is running out, parlor appointments, argue over pink or blue hair dryer from all of this to being right there next to you on the most important day with a look that says "I am with you".

Cheering for those empty days and making special surprises on each other's birthday.

Its not only about sharing good times. Its a mix of bad, worst, wonderful, beautiful and most exciting times of togetherness.

This is how my Girlfriends are. This blog for all my gf's who in their own way has made my life so special. I love you all Darlings.

I believe in Angels... because I have friends like you!!!

Her last letter

2009-07-19T22:28:00.000-07:00

I love you, I always did. It wasnt a co-incidence, it wasnt one thing led to another. It wasnt we clicked, it was meant to happen, we were destined to meet.

I have everything I ever want from life, God's been very kind but I still see myself coming back to you. I know it might not last forever, yet I wish we always do. I want to be with you, spend my life with you, grow old with you, watch you grow ugly and yet love you like we just met.

I always fight, be sarky and rude as I can, I hate you, the very sight of you. Deep within I just try to keep away, save myself from pain of being hurt. But I can't bear it anymore, I cannot love and not show, love and not say.

I want to hold you close to me, be silly and make you crazy, laugh till the last tear drops. There's no-one I have ever loved so immense. One day you asked if I will ever love anyone, I want to answer you today "NO".

I could never say this when we were together, now that you have gone, I just hope this letter reaches you, as I bury it next to you along with my soul.

Love you

Old Memories

2009-07-14T21:55:00.000-07:00

Its been raining from past two days and everybody is very worried if we are again going to experience a 26th July, I have the same thought and praying every moment we dont have to, its not too great been struck by a disaster every second month. A few days back we were talking about 30% water cut-back for Mumbai and here it is Rain Gods are so happy they just cant stop showering their blessings, I think we over prayed:).

From past two days I am working from home like most of others, watching news worrying if my mails reach the client and why the heck is he not responding. It nice but just a moment back a thought crossed my mind, how were we around say 10 years back. I would like to share my experience of rains with you, I hope I bring back some memories:)

A general day at school, dodging the pot holes and trying to save uniform from getting dirty so I dont get punished, I reach school and its raining outside quite like it has been, standing in the stilt for prayers and assembly, all that I and my mates have on mind is can we just run out and get wet and dirty. I can say that my friends had the same thing in mind with the smiles we exchange, smiles that say "LET US FREE", instead of those boring stares which scream " GET OVER WE ARE BORED". The assembly final comes to most awaited finale and our principle takes exit, we all walk to our respective classrooms, still exchanging same smiles and the topic of the day "arrey kaash Maam aaj half day dede". First period History, Bajaj Miss enters the class, "Madam notice hai" the poen behind informed her, she took it in her hands and we all almost psyched, what did we do now, Miss had a serious expression, she signed it and handed it back. "Class you have been dismissed, its a holiday". Yipeeeeeeeeeeee::::::)))

We pack like never before, in around next 4 seconds we had already started singing Rashtra Geet, with most lines deleted, and out we were in the rains.

We were a gang of say about 8 to 10, and today we decided to walk, a few including me had a cycle and rest of them bunked on their bus service, walking all the way from school we all had out destinations at around a distance of 10km to cover before we all could get home. Bunking bus service was very common generally on saturdays when we officially had the permission to reach home a bit late, but today we had resons like bus didnt come on time, bus service was not there AT ALL, etc, etc, all those silly reasons you can think of. Walking, laughing waving byes to rest of all classmates passing by, gossipING, I mean discuss classmate's life thats all, nothing personal. We had this one spot where we ate vada-pav every saturday and the vendor uncle is very happy to see the gang, "kya baccha log aaj chuuti?" we all smiled like a chorus. So we pick up our meals and fuel up to walk home.

Life was so simple, as we got close to first discussion the thought was " aaj ghar pe daat padne wali hai, lekin bahut majja aya yaar, chal cu tomorrow" and the first member disperses.

One by one each of us take our routes to reach home and all we were thinking now, what is Maa going to say or she will only give that super angry look which says "GET INTO BATHROOM RIGHT NOW". And then she would give towel and clothes and hot chocolate milk accompanied by some cough syrup or so I dont fall ill, "just drink it". She is very happy to see me home, but upset that I took too long to reach as she already figured out the school left, "I thought I will surprise you, how did you get to know", she just smiled and got me my favourite kanda bhajji, with tadka daal and rice, yummy what a treat.

We all must have lived this part sometime in life, today writting this post gives me immense happiness to remember those days. Life was so simple, no news to follow, no struggle to complete projects, holiday from school meant chatting with Mom through out the afternoon, playing games with her, catching up with books, eating bhajiya, calling friends to make plans for evening and all of this on a weekday, felt like bonus in recession I hope you can relate better now.

I always loved rain, I love to get wet, take long walks in rain, ab time kaha. Some day I will and then I will share with you the experience. Thats all for now.

Just a thought

2009-07-14T02:03:00.000-07:00

I havent written this but I really loved the thought and decided this must be shared with you all, this is for all my dearies...I love you guys

I'm sending this to you to see how many actually read their e-mail. Your response will be interesting. Pay attention to what you read. After you have finished reading it, you will know the reason it was sent to you. Here goes: People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy... Believe it, it is real. But only for a season. LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.. fThank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Dream

2009-05-26T04:32:00.000-07:00

Hey guys I am attempting something like this for the first time, its one of my poems and I have never ever disclosed them to anyone ever, cause I always thought they are too childish or rather silly. You guys have always been very motivating, so I am daring to publish one of them...after thinking over for almost 3 months. Ok here it is

Its very cold out here.

The breeze freezes my feet, my hands have fallen numb.

I am sitting in a corner all by myself, cuddled up to keep me warm.

i am hungry and its killing me.

I can see alot of people around me.

I know I just have to call out & someone would reach me.

But I decide to keep my pain inside me.

And suddenly a hand came, he told me to hug him tight.

He picked me up and kissed my forehead.

I could only see his eyes, I thought I have seen him before.

He took me hime, gave me water & food, I felt good & back to life.

He gave me bed & tucked me in, it was nice in here.

I slept, slept like a baby with a smile on my face.

As I woke up in the morning, it was nice and bright.

The snow had melted and the sun was bright.

It was a beautiful morning, I had ever seen.

I turned around to see him, he was gone.

I looked for him everywhere, not a trace.

Then I found a note & Good Bye it said.

It struck me where I had seen those eyes.

Those were of an angel of whom I dreamt every night.

Belief

2009-05-19T03:53:00.001-07:00

This post made me indecisive if I should publish it or not...but knowing my readers who have always encouraged me I think I can do it...I dont mean to hurt anyone's feelings....Its just an expression of my thoughts and I would love to know your.

Off late I have been hearing a lot about this book SECRET and everybody is talking about it...including me, I have even read it. If I had to summarise it, it will what Shahrukh says in OSO, "kisi cheez ko tum shidat se chaho toh saari kaaynaat use tumse mila ne ki saazish karti hai", in short wishfull thinking. Along with how to gain fame and become rich, sucessful relations and all, there is chapter on gratitude. It says we must be thankful to what we have and to God, believe in him, trust him and all. After finishing with Secret, as I was very curious about Kabbalah, I did some basic web search, they too had the same version of thoughts and landed up in same saying of gratitude and thankfullness. What made me think was do we really need this, is recommending a Secret or following Kabbalah essential to be at peace...if we just go about say 7 years back when we were a bit in control of our parents, I remember they told us the same thing. Our prayers that we use to recite, precisely say the same thing, they mean we should be thankful to God and parents, we should let go things...especially this evening prayer that we use to say has a sentence"shatru buddhi vinnashhaya" meaning kill the bad mind, something similar, we all must be having same meaning in different langauges.

We all have grown up on these things, what surprises me is that now we dont look back and recollect them, we are so busy doing our own thing we have forgotten things that are a part of us, they are inculcated in us since we took our first breathe, sometimes even when we were inside:).

What I mean is are we so lost that we have to follow Kabbalah, why do we need someone to teach us the values. We are Indians we are made the way we are, we are blessed with various religions and saints who left back the same teachings. If I am not wrong most religions are influenced from Indian religions and writtings, then whats the big Secret. I have read Power of Subconcious Mind and I think Secret is just another version of it.

Reading through a book, or knowing about a religion is not bad, neither is following it, if it teaches us good values but do we need it? It really surprises me when some foreigner speaks to me about us, about our religions and cultures. I fail to understand why is following western culture is so easy and adaptable than our own..I might sound rude over this and even biased but are we ashamed??? So many Indians renounce their families to follow Osho or Auro, it kills me thinking of the family, the kids.

There is a lot to this issue and I am losing control over my writting as I am thinking about it.

I want to ask all my readers, we being the gen y...do you think we need feeding from westerners to learn how to lead our life..I think no cause my Guru Granth Sahib and Bhagwat Gita is enough to learn and rely on.

Where do you belong?

2009-04-29T06:10:00.000-07:00

It must have been around 11.30pm on Tuesday and we were driving down to Dadar. I was dead tired of all the weddings we attended on that day and on the top of it I had to drive every place we went. The music was quite OK, my Mom was next to me, trying really hard to keep herself awake and it was very funny watch her struggle to keep herself awake, so finally I told her "apne sar ka disco karna bandh karo mama, I will be OK". It was quite boring and I was completely pakaoed.

As we were nearing Dadar I kind of felt an excitement, instead of taking a regular route, I took turn to Shivaji Park went around it and then headed to Aaji's place and all this gave me extreme sense of HAPPYNESS. Driving throught the lanes was not a big deal, cause I have walked through them so many times in past years, but its always a different feeling. Taking round at SP even after knowing the shortest route, looking for familiar places and faces . Time just flies by. Some 9 years back I was a regular at Shivaji Park, it was like a daily prayer we would meet up in the evenings and spend time doing just nothing and all this was after you spend a whole day in college together, again doing nothing, just bunking and attending lectures in canteen.
Dadar is a place where I was born, I have stayed there for 24 years and no place on this earth gives me pleasure whenever I am in Dadar. I know that place like back of my hand, like as if its something that runs through me, in my blood. I dont know why but I am very obsessed with it, I love it, SIMPLY love it. Its a small place in Mumbai, centrally located, with mix of Maharashtrians and Christians between town and suburbs, and one can see that when you will visit Portuguese Church, which is one of the oldest churches in Mumbai built by British and bang opposite is a Sai Baba mandir and around 100mtr walk is the famous Maruti Gol Madir next to D'silva school...isnt that amazing, so basically I got to see and live both kind of lifestyles and it was fun. Especially when my neighbour Fernandes Aunty, as we all call her, would give me christmas sweets and I have even attended Sunday School in their church, attnede mid-night mass on Easters and Christmas and have also been for Carol singing trips with them. Actually its a small place with most of families living a typical middle class life and where every second person knows you. And how is that not possible cause I was born there, I went to school in Dadar, I had my college there and on the top of it my entire family still is in there and again as my grandfather was a doctor, he had a huge social circle. It was a routine that every evening as I use to get ready to leave for SP my nanny would hand me something to be delivered to somebody's place on the way.
I dont know whether its only me but I am sure we all feel the same for the place we belong to.
Most of us by now must have shifted to new place, new city or just hopped like 10 stations away but that attachment that we have for the place where we were born and bought up always stays, like me....I have this crazy dream, the day I get rich or can afford a flat of my own I will buy a place in Dadar and shift back and live everything again...I wish my dream comes true. OH!!how I miss my Dadar.
Hey all my readers, this blog is not only to read, I want you all to tell me of your experiences with the place you were born in and all that you feel about it, how much you miss it and you have grown up...Will be great to read!!!!

DREAM CATCHERS

2009-04-25T04:03:00.001-07:00

Whats your first love?What is that one thing you always desired to do and be the best in it...Me?hhhhmmmm...I always wanted to be a dancer. A great dancer in a kind of dance form that no-one knows to do, master it like nobody else would. Though I took quite a long time to come down to that.

We all have dreams, when we were young we always tought of becoming something. Everyday I would feel like being something new and till the time reached college I had this long list of what I want to be. Like when I joined in college theatre, it was acting, then when I did the fest it was dancing, when I joined pr, it was PR for almost year, then came in Belly dancing and touch wood I have managed to follow it for almost 2 years now and I am very happy with it. And yes I forgot to mention speaking fluent german and working for travel firm, which fortunately I am doing right now. But yes as I said earlier I took time to discover myself. Unlike some people who just know what they want and they chase it all their life. I really love such people, they exactly know what they want, where they want to head, they really motivate me, inspire me.

There's tremendous satisfaction in chasing your dream, whether it pays or not, doesnt matter most times. I feel so whenever I dance, I feel its expression of yourself, of what you are, I take dancing as my source to to potray what I feel love, hate, desires, aggressions, anger, passion, I think I can emote with dancing and it really gives me that sense of satisfaction.

This blog is for everyone who believe in their dreams, this blog is for all DREAM CATCHERS

Oh!!!darling yeh hai India

2009-04-15T02:47:00.000-07:00

Everyone that I meet is been complainig about this horrid heat. Seems like we all might just melt someday and that day is coming soon...ghosh!!!thank god we arent made of wax!!! Its killing! and can we do anything about it, YES we can and are we doing anything???Ok!! not yet then lets begin. Instead cribbing over the fact that its getting hotter and the glaciers are melting in your air-conditioned office, why dont you just take a look at the AC temperature, which just might be on 18 degree so you can feel like you are in Swiss, first put your AC on 23 degree so that cuts off power automatically..I hope u knew this!!! I mean there are small ways in which we can really help. How many of you actually followed the Earth Hour? We talk about various things each day, we discuss world recession, politics, environment, the 26/11 episode but some how I feel we just discuss and discuss and exchange stories and it all ends there. I know so many friends who didnt follow Earth Hour and the reasons are too silly to even mention, I mean what will you argue if the person says I couldnt miss that show...WHAT???
And the hottest of all ELECTIONS...Now I really want to know how many of you can actually vote. I cannot, not this year atleast, I have been trying to register myself as a voter from past 8years and every year they manage to keep me out. I had even hired an agent to make my voter id, paid him some 800rs, he just went missing and I cant trace him till date. This happened around 3 years back. I had actually given up on the idea of making my voter's id and then came Jaago re campaign..guys hats off to you. It was a great campaign and most of us made it to the ids. I am so happy for all of them. Unfortunately I am not one amongst the lot. On 30th of March I had been to my area registeration office to submit the form. I thought it would be as easy as just go submit the form and pictures and it will be given on the spot or delivered to me, to my surprise this fellow who was collecting the form just refused to accept my form...Holy Crap!!!I was amazed...why???cause "amhi netche form ghet nahi" means we dont accept forms from internet...I tried to explain in Hindi, English and Marathi that the form was same as he provided but that adamant fellow didnt want to even hear me out. After arguiung almost for 20mins I gave up, I said "Please isse lelo varna mera id anhi ayega", he royally replied " vote karke kiska bhala hua hai, madam jaake khana khao" and left for lunch...Now my question is can anybody help me with this???I mean we have a huge chunk of politicians, brand new league all dying to lead us, instead breaking down discos, why cant they appoint someone in the registration office, who is literate enough to deal with our problems...the only thing these guys can do is appear on discuss panel on a news channel and provide suggestions. We dont need that, we are educated enough to understand the economy. If you want us to vote you better take some pain and make sure we have a better infrastructure. What is one suppose to do in this situation, I cant choose my leader and my leader is not letting me choose him....Oh!!!darling yeh hai India!!!

My first encounter with FEAR

2009-03-26T05:46:00.000-07:00

It was exactly 2am, how do I know cause the church bell just rung twice, they do it throught out the, the tradition since 1000years. The road was broad and clear I had never seen it like this before in past 3 days since I shifted to my new apartment. It was dark, obviously it will be I thought to myself and it was a bit scarrrry...thats the kind of tone I had but I have to face it, I have to walk through this lane, "this LANE"...ok alright, not to worry it will hardly take three minutes and I will touch my building gate, "bloody heck where is that stupidwatchman who otherwise would be loittering with his gang here, let him got to hell".
I start to walk looking straight in to pitch dark road, on which the last lamp post could hardly throw any light, "oh shucks!what does BMC do with our money they cant even" C H A I T A L I...I paused there no I froze..froze to my death, someone just recited my name like a mantra in my ear.
I felt the cold...in that wintery night I was sweating, sweating like a bullet. For a moment I thought I will turn around, "turn around 1 2 3, no no no no, dont turn around she will possess you, thatswhat mom told me when I was young and wanted to go to play on afternoons or late nights".
I found myself standing at the same place. Main kya karu? For that half secondlike everthing is staring at me, straight in to me, scanning me, touching me with eyes and I could feel my blood going hot. What was that? who was she? I looked at the watch it was 2:02.."Oh God 2mins I am still here, come on move on, come on you can do it"...
I put my first step ahead nothing happened, then second, third, fourth, fifth, still nothing ok I can do this and I ran..I ran...I ran and I ran..ran as fastest as I could till I saw my gate and the stupid watchman and his friends and a bunch of kiddies...."Mainebola tha na yeh bahut tez bhagti hai aur is ne toh time bhi beat kar diya, didi aapne mujhe jitaya thanks...chalo kal ice cream khayenge chotu jeet gaya"
That was my fist encounter with fear.

Vagina Monologues

2009-03-26T04:07:00.000-07:00

Ok so the word VAGINA is complete taboo...so much so that when I tried telling my friend in the gym while walking on the treadmill, he couldnt believe, that it was name of the play and when I tried to make him understand he said "dont say that word again, its a taboo"...how typical of a man. Accept it or not the whole revolves around it and after watching the play Vagina Monologues I am even more convinced... Women live with it, they have it, use it for various reasons and still you might not know how it looks?? and men want it and still its a taboo. We always talk about women libration and all but are we really libral? NO... Right now there is so much of anger in me that I am not even able to think and express...I want all my readers to know about this mighty impressive play and watch atleast once to understand the plead of Indian women and to be very precise she is not only in rural parts but she is one amongst us too. And again its not only in India. .

The play was not this total senti types... I mean if you could ever watch Jayati Bhatia's monologue called orgasm even a man would relate to it and laugh his butt up!!!There was not a singl aspect of woman which was unturned... right from a short skirt claiming " I am just short skirt and not an invitation, my short skirt and everything under it is MINE", to a 5yr been raped by 5 men on the day of her wedding, to a 10yr old girl raped by her father's best friend, to a woman who actually joined in Vagina Workshop to know more about it (and rest you can imagine), and most impressive I found was one done by Avanti, it was about this maharashtrian girl growing up in typical marathi household and her first encounter with her VAGINA.

Ok above all this the most important part, other than watching Ranbir Kapoor..(trinaa..i met him fyi!!!), Farhaan Akhtar and Imran Khan, the celebriy of the evening was Haseena..this woman from bangalore met an acid attack from her boss, reason she refused to stoop down to his demands..in simple english "SLEEP WITH HIM"...she cant see cause her eye balls melt, she cant smell cause her nose melt, she had to go through 32 surgeries, she was left crying and craving in pain in the hospital for 3 days after attack and wasnt given the right treatment, her relatives told her parents to leave her as she was 100% handicapped and on the top of it the court calls it "Physical grievances" and the man who did this gets a trial of only 14years leaving behind Hasena to struggle for all her ife... all this and yet more just for a damn VAGINA and you still call it only a part of a woman's body...heck!!! We did our little by buying a brochure worth Rs.50 and helped raise funds for Haseena...But actually I wanted to Kill that psycho b@#$$#@#@!!! No even better burn eyes!!! She must have been such a beautiful young girl like any one of us but yes this situation has made her really extra ordinary cause you need to be a hero to survive all of this shit in life...Hats off to you Haseena!! And yes this whole saga was beautifuly put together in a musical act by Sandeep Soparrkar, Jess Randhawa and Smiley Suri. Farhaan and Zoya AKhtar read a poem written by Mahabanoo Mody called "In India girls are meant for burning".

I can just go on and on about the play and precisely write about each and every monlogue but as I am writting I am just getting furious and angry...and laughing at the same time....different women, from various aspects of life but zeroed down only to one thing...VAGINA...say as you read it say it loud and clear...VAGINA...dont be ashamed of it...its a part of you, respect it..its nothing to be ashamed of!!!

You all must watch it to experience the same feelings I have today...No its not a man's world...its a woman's world!!!

Somewhere I feel I havent yet done with my feelings, I havent expressed myself completely...so there might be more coming up...wait and read!

Just a bad day!!!!

2009-03-24T02:00:00.000-07:00

I always make sure everything is perfect in my life but there are days when things seem to be out of control...today is one of them...I feeling low..why???...Dont know...Morning it satrted off with my trainer not being there, off late he is bunking too much. Then I saw this chick doing like a mad workout and that me pissed me off, wherein everyday when I see her I feel motivated. .. its like nothing in place... AM I missing something..missing someone...I dunno???? I dont even know why am I writting about it???
But as Aditi says its a phase and it will pass and will leave back only good days to remember and enjoy!!!

WHY?

2009-03-23T06:21:00.000-07:00

As I am getting freindly to blogging, I was wondering if I really have it to write. I do enjoy expressing myself and my experiences here but when I read through others I think like it really takes a lot to write. I mean need to have a good vocab and poetic touch in your writtings.
I cant find any reason why I blog???
I cant think of any right now!!!!
So why should I?
Thinking still thinking!!!!!!hhhhmmmmmmm

Bootleggers

2009-03-19T04:25:00.000-07:00

After we had the pondy trip the four of us Me, Mallu, Kawal and Vinnu didnt meet up for almost next 5 weekends, which very unusual of us, its like a routine to spend Saturdays together...So this evening was really special to me as it was sort of our reunion. We went to this place in Colaba next to Kailash Parbat called Bootleggers. If you see it from outside it would look like any general pubbish outlet. To my surprise it turned out to be this nice small place with great nusic, good food and the best part was they few board games. Its a cozy place and the DJ was really good, he was playing retro music and he was playing all my favourites... We genrally try out new places when we go out and we generally try not to repeat restaurants but this is hit for me, I am sure to repeat it n times... You can go there with friends, for a date, I think even if you want to spend an eveing just on drinks hanging around alone, its agood option. Its not crowded they have limited seating and they have very wisely used the place, the ambience is vey cool, they have this very typical Texas look to their restaurant.But you will have to pre-book a table as they run on reservations through out the week, a lot of crowd drops in to have drinks after work, you can imagine the place on a weekends. Yes you will have to speak a little loud for the waiters to hear you...but rest I can assure you, you will have rocking evening. A perfect place to just drink and talk or play Connect 4 along with great music...oops!!!and yes they also have a small place to throw parties thats like an add-on. Thumbs up Bootleggers!!!

TODAY

2009-03-17T07:07:00.000-07:00

Today was like a breather for me, all these days I was always low for some silly reason and would just be not myself types, but today was like blessed day for me. I dont know why, infact last night before going to bed I picked up fight with Kawal and thought that today will be much worst as he will not be talking to me but then as I woke up, I dont know why but I just thought of talking to him about it and sort out, which generally we both avoid and just move on with the day. But then there too it turned out to be funny situation because we both couldnt find the exact reasoning so it all ended on a happy note, making us both laugh over the fact we can be so silly at times. And then the entire morning Kick Ass Mornings was playing all my favourite songs and kept me dancing all the morning, even when I was brushing my teeth, I just couldnt stop...Then I began to pack as I will be staying with friend through this week and I got a call from my friend. To my surprise he told me I was on page 4 of Bombay Times today, an article was published on dance and fitness and it had me in one of the pictures...Oh My God!!!! I was almost, not almost, I was jumping in joy, calling my friends, messaging a few... in all of this suddenly doing my belly dance moves to relate more closely. It was one heck of a morning. And then it just got better, Kawal told me to take my 1st baby my Skoda with me, he was avoiding it all these days as I had just got through an accident very recently, I didnt get hurt but the car did BIG time. So I was riding my baby, listening to music and enjoying my drive. Reached office and contrary to everyday business, its been crazy busy since I stepped in...I could hardly manage to crunch in this blog but I also wanted to write it...So here it is my crazy day which I enjoyed and the party is not over yet I wil going to this friend's place to stay and I have mad bunch waiting for me to come be a part of their nonsense... Life's just got better...I am loving it!!!!!

Albums

2009-03-16T02:45:00.001-07:00

Sunday is generally the cleaning day and yesterday it was turn of this drawer I generally keep all my photo albums in. While cleaning and rearranging all the mess, I started to go through them. I could see my life going by. I always keep sayingI have a Gold Fish and I forget things in next second. Yesterday was different, I could remember each and every picture it was like a movie, watching scene by scene. I could remember everything related to the picture. Starting from the 8th std camp we had in school, then college, then german class, then pwc, then my hyderabad trip, then day outs with Arti and Kawal and the list goes on. Watching it all come alive gave me tremendous happiness. Old days, old friends leave such memories that we can cherish all our lives. The best part was watching your own self grow, each picture would have a different you in it! and its nice. I love it, and I do it quite often. Every photograph has a story behind it, an experience to tell, a laughter to hear, a tale to remember, to bring a pleasant smile in days when we are not together. I love to go trough these albums, they kind of bring me to life. Whenever I feel low, I just turn to these albums and just go through them, it makes me feel nice, cause somewhere every person in it has left something for me to smile upon. I have this crazy dream that one day I want to have all my friends gathered in one place for me and I see myself catching up with them, enjoying, freaking out with them and clicking of loads of photos to keep all my life.

Thanks guys!!

2009-03-16T01:10:00.000-07:00

Today I couldnt think of any new custom message so I just happened to type in my blog id... and it was really great to responses from my friends...thanks people for all the appreciation ... will make me write better!!!thanks!

Comfortable Silences

2009-03-10T04:11:00.000-07:00

We were at Marine Drive, it was around 8.00 8.30 in the evening, I was facing the sea, watching the waves go by, the Queens Necklace. My back was obviously towards my most favorite structures where I always desire to live some day, NCPA building. It was chaotic that evening. There were couples sitting, some just talking, some doing soemthing else, kids playing behind me, chaiwala, etc. The usual scene at Marine drive you might find on any regular day. Today was something different for me. Today I was just chilling, I had nothing to think about, I had nothing over which my mind was struggling to come to terms with, I had no tension, I was not with my friends to do general tp, then what was i doing here? I was with Mallu, compared to regular nonsense chatting that I do and eat her brains, we just settled here and just didnt come up with any conversation, it was not that we didnt have any(cause that just cant happen with me around her) but it just happened so. There were a lot of things I had in mind but then there was a sudden silence between me and her. Silence that told me she wants a little space to be herself for sometime, silence which I felt like I should just feel. There were many thoughts running in my mind for initial minutes and then suddenly everything felt numb, cold. Just nothing to talk but we still were connected, we still were together. Its not always necessary that you always have to tell a friend how much just she being there matters, these silences speak much more than words ever can. After sometime we just looked at each other and then everything was back to our regular routine of me talking nonsense and Mallu extending the joke or just discussing something really very serious, in short we were back to ourselves. That evening was one of its kind I can never forget, that eve I got to know that just being with each other all through the times is what really matters. And it is not necessary everything has to be spoken, some silences say a lot and make you comfortable. I love doing it with my Mallu, though not regularly and recently we havent kind of spent any evening like that but I will remember this one, these are called "Comfortable Silences"

What most People need to learn in life is how to love people and use things ,instead of using people and loving things

2009-03-05T23:35:00.000-08:00

My friend Aditi made a post yesterday, it was a quote which said, "What most People need to learn in life is how to love people and use things ,instead of using people and loving things". A lot of things started running through my mind, like who must written this quote and why did he/she must have thought so, why? Have we ever thought which way are all going. Yes we do come across people almost everyday who think on these lines and i fel really sorry for them, i pity them cause they dont realise the meaning of friends, meaning of friendship for such people everything has to do with a give and take relations thats all, no feelings no emotionsI mean get real how far are you going to live your life like this i mean nothing matters friends, parents anything but just keep using them like every new tissue paper. SO many times in my college i came across incidences where the boy promised the girl to get married and used her and then denied, i mean is it so easy to walk away . Dont you fear anything in life parents, guilt, GOD, something. I believe we all have voices inside us which always tells us the right and wrong, dont you have one.It doesnt have to something really big of an issue, it can be anything small or really stupid, but everyone has the realisation of what they are doing.Didnt your parents put in any values in you or by the time you grew up you flushed it down. I have an answer to this quote, What goes around, comes around. Someday it turns on the other side and that when you realise what have done to others.
All my life i was always surrounded by my friends who really protected me and i feel lucky that i had such friends cause they never did let me see the bad side of world, and same is with Kawal but gradually nowI have started being by myself and i realise all the time i cannot be covered by my near and dear ones, this is where it all starts when you are by yourself , there are people who hunting just to make sure they squeeze out something from you, one has to be really smart enough to survive, though late but i do realise that so i generally prefer staying under cover with kawal that way things become easy for me and somewhere I dont want to get in to complications of trying to know whether the person is genuine or not. And i think i dont need to do that too I have very loving and a caring husband, a small baby to look after my huge house(maintaining which takes most of my time), my job, three best friends to have best of times in life and a big bunch of friends who are really imporatnt enough to think and care for...i thnk my life rocks, but somewhere I feel not everyone is blessed with friends like i have and that the reason they dont realise value of people...Somehow people always mattered to me more than things and as I am out on my own most of the times i think i should just get smart enough to handle such situatios and people!!!This quote somehow is making me feel sick, andi wouldnt like to even know such a person!!!trust me!

My Romeo

2009-02-20T01:36:00.000-08:00

There's a new entrant in my life a new man, i am totally head over heels for him, he makes me fall in love all over again. He gives the feeling of being cared and loved and wanted. Life has taken a complete u turn .As we all go on from school to college to work and get in all the jhanjhats of life and responsibilities we intend to forget, to change and forget what we were like. He brings out the that person in me, i feel like a child with him, he pampers me, loves me, the best is when we both cuddle in each other and just feel warm. He follows me all over, we just love to be in each other's company, huging kissing, oh i love it all. And his eyes, he has brown eyes, deep, naughty always telling me i am upto something, everytime i look into his eyes i realise how i really cant do without him. Everyday i wait for evenings to come so i can rush to him and he would hug me and rub my nose. Its always fun to be with him, i can speak my heart i can be myself, its like a fresh new beginning, a new life. Suddenly everything has changed, all i do is think about him, all i know is to do things for, its so beautiful to live for someone...I love my Romeo..my labrador!!

I am selling HOLIDAYS

2009-02-12T03:24:00.000-08:00

Today i suddenly realised what work i am doing, i am been selling holidays, selling places, selling good times in packages. Everytime a client walks in to office the whole place gets filled up with enthusiam, a sudden rush to go through the world and then i realised its all have become so small and comprehensive. I sit here and sell some place far in the Amazons or South Africa and the kind of places people come up sometimes never heard of. Its always very exciting cause you never know the kind of person you are dealing with, i mean sometimes even smallest of the comment would make a person happy but at the same time it might just terribly upset him so the best thing to do in such situation is to just keep a braod Colgate smile and smile till your jaws ache irrelevant you feel like or not. Like just recently a person came to me with his wife must be like in their 40s and gave me like a whole list of places in all over India i mean starting from Haridwar to Darjeeling to Kerala, in that 45mins of his presence i felt like i am on India tour and thats all its still to come, he had the names of hotels and places he wanted to visit, I was just going on smiling listening to him and making a note of it,I felt like i am bcak to my boring hindi classes and just felt like picking him up off the seat and throw him out of office and then there was silence and i realised he had stopped talking and giving me instructions.He got up saying "you have a lot of homework to do".i realised i dont know anything and that thought just freaked me out, so i started working on it and after a research of complete two days, including sleepless nights thinking of his big face he left for a trip to Matheran. What do you think i should do in this situation. I looked up to entire world tryimg to find a suitable place for him and here he wants to go to Matheran, whatever God make his holidays happy.But i do wish sometimes such characters should come to me, its just that you get a taste of different kind of people and its fun i mean now when i think of it i laugh at myself and thats good...he brought in joy in my life God bless him! This doesnt happen everytime there are different kind of people and their travelling style is different i especially like when these young guys come to enquire for adventure hoildays like recently I had one for Ranthambore and it was great pleasure to design a vacation for them...from stangest of the places, weirdest experiences to partying in Singapore and shopping in Bangkok, tigers iin Kanchanaburi amd holidaying in Bahamas all is now under my fingers and i am enjoying it all!!!I am selling holidays

F R I E N D S

2009-02-10T03:25:00.000-08:00

Its quite a dull day, i am feelig lazy since morning in no mood to work, strangely i am missing all my friends today all of them, still i dont remember how many groups and teams i have had but iam feeling like getting them all in one place and just hear them.Old friends are so easy they are just a call away you can be yourself with them, dont have to think .Friends are like stress busters, just squeeze out all the dam frustration and they would have an ultra cool solution to it, no problem is unsolved with them. I mean i can actually share anything with my dearies. They are like clay, they mould as you want them andthats just excusively for you. Sometimes we do land up creating a mess but there is always space for apology. Small fights, shopping sprees, evening walks, just driving aimlessly, arguing over wrong turns, picking up favourite chocolates for each other, shopping for each other, throwing birthday surprises,wearing same colored clothes and freaking out on Marine Lines, kidnapping friend from work...oh the list is endless..what all can be done and has been done. Still evertime you do it its fun and its new..an experience to live for.

Change

2009-02-10T02:24:00.000-08:00

Every single thing that happens matters a lot even though sometimes we think its very unimportant or rather small to even think about. These small things grow in to bigger problems and life changes. Who knew one day talking to closest friend would be the most difficult task, who knew the one you loved so much would not even bother to look back. Small things why didnt you call me, why did u say that, why didnt notice my new hair do, etc, etc, etc. ANd then things grow bigger, we first fight to sort out and gradually get tird of that too and finally turn in to a cold war. Till yesterday it was easy to pick up the phone call and talk to friend whether its 3am in the morning but things have changed you think, think again and think and finally it stays within you. Then one day you call try to talk to realise it really doesnt matter any more. Here comes in a change, now have to be aware that you cant have a 3am friend and have to live with it...times when you spent sleeples nights for a picnic, party every ssaturday evening, not have plans for anyone but that friend, make plans to tour the world together, start up a restaurant and also have a worldwide chain, holding hands and telling each other in most difficult times i am there for you, just that one smile that would make you strong and move ahead in life everyhting comes to an end. Now live life with this change, like it or not is not the deal...have to is the truth...i dont like this change i want life to be predictable i hate this uncertainty of not knowing where to go, which way to head and in all this you dont have your angel to guide you...i dont like this change.

Being alone

2009-02-07T06:24:00.000-08:00

Its a saturday evening and i am still in office, its just 8:00pm still tw hours to sit here. My office is packed with people everyone is busy, everyone is in a rush but dont know today i feel i am alone. Alone in this whole crowd. Everything looks like a slow motion picture, i take 2 seconds to rvert to anyone who questions me unlike the regular me who is so prompt. Sometimes being with everyone you are still left out you are still lonely. We all are running behind something, its rat race to get something conquer something, seems like we we have forgotten those days days when we use to rush early from work to meet each other. Things are changing so rapidly, losing it on every little thing when sometime back there was nothing else omportant than listening to each other, trying to find a small house so that we always stay cozy and same place now looks like divided in corners, one for me one for you. Its been how long i dont remember whn the last time i stood out of my car's windscreen and breathed in the air, felt it hitting on my face, felt the freeze after i sat down, felt someone's heart beat, holding warm hands, sneaking in to each other's quilt. I wish i could stop time and rewind it...i want it all again. Just once once before i breathe last.